SAY THAT TO SIMBA’S FATHER
VIRGINIA JUST LEGALIZED GAY MARRIAGE FIRST STATE IN THE SOUTH 30 MINUTES AGO HELL FUCKIN YEA TURN THE FUCK UP IN THIS STATE FUNCTION
This is literally the stupidest comic I have ever made and I’m not even sorry
OH MY GOD U GUYS IVE HELD THIS STORY IN FOR SO SO LONG BC OF WORK REASONS BUT NOW I DONT WORK AT THE THEATER STUDIO ANYMORE SO IM GONNA TELL
This guy who is a chauffeur told the story to my boss there about this one time he picked up super drunk Patrick Stewart at Lincoln Center and Patrick Stewart ROLLED DOWN THE WINDOW AND SCREAMED INTO THE NIGHT “I AM CAPTAIN JEAN LUC PICARD, DOESNT ANYONE WANT TO FUCK ME”
someone shouted “do it for the vine” at the train station earlier and i was afraid for my fucking life
Robbie Coltrane with his double Martin Bayfield
Next Time You’ll Know Better
Have you ever walked into a room and found a vampire?
No, not the sexy kind, but a foul creature with bony limbs and ashen skin? The kind that snarls as you enter, like a beast about to pounce? The kind that roots you to the spot with its sunken, hypnotic eyes, rendering you unable to flee as you watch the hideous thing uncoil from the shadows? Has your heart started racing though your legs refuse to? Have you felt time slow as the creature crosses the room in the darkness of a blink?
Have you shuddered with fear when it places one clawed hand atop your head and another under your chin so it can tilt you, exposing your neck? Have you squirmed as its rough, dry tongue slides down your cheek, over your jaw, to your throat, in a slithering search that’s seeking your artery? Have you felt its hot breath release in a hiss against your skin when it probes your pulse—the flow that leads to your brain? Has its tongue rested there, throbbing slightly as if savoring the moment? Have you then experienced a sinking, sucking blackness as you discover that not all vampires feed on blood—some feed on memories?
Well, have you?
Maybe not. But let me rephrase the question:
Have you ever walked into a room and suddenly forgotten why you came in?
This took me a second
FUCK ITS BACK